Welcome Distractions
by TheHighQueen
Summary: Hints of Yullen if you squint. Allen doesn't want to talk about it, and Kanda just happens to be there. There's Yullen, just not much. A challenge one shot to fight my WB.


_**I got a challenge, here it is: I have to write a genre I'm not used to, for a ship I am not used to, using four words randomly given to me. I failed completely by the way: Romance and Kanda/Allen are not for me.**_

 _ **I have chosen: Romance, Kanda/Allen, and let's see if you can guess my words.**_

 **Title: Welcome Distraction**

* * *

 _Breathe…release…._

 _Breathe...release…_

It never happened often-he had very good control over his emotions. After Mana, he made it a personal mission never to break down like that again. So, instances like that were very few and far between made them _terrifying._

He struggled to breathe, his back against his door. Link was with Leverrier for once, which made him incredibly lucky. If Link saw he'd most definitely report to central about him having some _guilt_ or something of the sort.

 _Breathe...release…_

 _Breathe…release…_

It was easier to go through it alone, things like this, because there was no one to pity him. He could wallow in self pity and self hatred and then walk out like it never happened. That was so much easier.

He didn't know what he'd do if he had to deal with Lenalee's worrying or Lavi's questions. Things like this were better keep secret and under wraps.

 _Breathe...release…_

Nobody had to know.

 _Breathe…_

Not about the shadow in his mirror…

... _release…_

...or the voices that followed.

He'd be okay after a while. This was temporary, probably an after effect of the ark. There was no need to blow this out of proportion.

Allen looked to his arm for comfort. The innocence, it gave him a reason to be okay. That ugly, reptilian like ark gave him comfort. Something was depending on him, and that gave him something to hold onto.

 _Breathe….relea-_

"Oi, Beansprout." Allen nearly jumped out of his skin when the door was pushed against. It was obviously Kanda, the prick. He must be getting a mission with him, because there was no way Kanda would willingly knock on his door.

But, as it stood, it appeared he had a distraction. The thought had his heart racing for reasons unknown. It was just a distraction after all.

"Y-yes?" He tried to sound as cheerful as possible. Kanda wouldn't care if he sounded strange or not, but it was better just in case Lenalee and Lavi was with him. There was another harsh knock on his door.

"Lena sent me here, said you looked like you were going to puke."

That made Allen laugh lightly; it was just like Lenalee to make Kanda check on him. She had a crazy idea in her mind that if she stuck them together enough times, they'd actually _like each other._

A hilarious notion, but so like Lenalee all the same.

"I'm fine." He said, firmer this time. He was slowly, but surely, getting a grip on himself.

"Bull." And then the door was forced open. Allen was pushed on to the ground from the force, and had to look up at Kanda following. The swordsman looked completely uncaring as he strided into his room.

Kanda sat on his bed, waiting for him.

"Ah...you don't have to check on me you know...Lenalee worries too much."

Kanda remained silent.

"And Link will be suspicious if he comes back from the meeting and you're in my room. He doesn't like it when I'm alone with other people."

Allen sighed, smiling tiredly, "...You're not listening, are you?" He just wanted to start already, the distraction he meant. He would've thought the dark circles under his eyes would've screamed:

 _Distract me distract me distract me_

He went to sit up, but his eyes caught the mirror and he nearly shrieked. That shadow was constant in his life, that he could not fix, and he couldn't help but jump every time. It was like there was something watching him that he couldn't explain.

Just like there was something _inside_ him that he couldn't understand. It was almost appalling, the fact. The fact that he didn't know what was wrong with him, and he'd been fighting the war for almost a year.

"Why can't you look at a mirror?" It wasn't common for Kanda to be so curious. Or, he wasn't curious and was just trying to appease Lenalee. Lenalee was the one person Kanda couldn't say no to, no matter how hard he tried.

Allen struggled to maintain his cheery smile, "That's a personal question…"

"You don't know." Kanda bluntly stated, "Figures." And Allen was left to gape at him: Kanda could at least be more caring about it. He was the king of assholes but even this was too much.

If he knew Allen was clearly fighting himself, why would he just press on it?! But then again, it _was_ Kanda. This was his way of showing concern Allen supposed, because even in the ark he was cold to them.

"I wouldn't say that-" Even though it was true, he _didn't_ know what was inside of him. It stung, it hurt, and Kanda wasn't helping. Still, there was a serenity with just sitting with Kanda that had Allen relaxing.

Kanda had that effect-or maybe it was just his effect on Allen because everybody else seemed on edge around Kanda. He was rough around the edges but…

Allen almost laughed at himself: he sounded ridiculous.

"You're afraid." Kanda observed expertly and Allen's eyes narrowed.

"Am not." He was almost looking for a fight, needing to get the energy out of his body. It was incredibly immature of him to seek out a fight although Kanda was trying to check on him. The realization of his immaturity didn't change his minds, and he almost felt victorious when Kanda's eyes darkened.

The sound of Mugen being unsheathed was heard but Allen was too slow to react. He was prepared to dodge Mugen's strike, but he wasn't prepared for Kanda to throw him against a wall.

Kanda was glaring at him, and they were now face to face.

"Do you want a fight, beansprout?" His voice was low, dangerous, and it stroked Allen's fighting instinct a little too much. His hand curled into a fist, waiting for the first hit, but all Kanda did was stare.

Allen smirked after a while, "What's wrong Bakanda? Afraid that I'll beat your girly face-ah!" He helped when Mugen was pressed to his neck, so close that he'd draw blood if he moved any closer.

"What was that?" Kanda sounded entirely too smug. After a moment of silence he asked, "What do you see in the mirror?"

"Myself, duh." Allen laughed uneasily, wondering how the conversation switched back so easily. Allen almost wishes that Kanda would just attack already, because he wasn't one to talk about his feelings.

Kanda growled, "What makes you flinch?"

Allen remained silent, denying everything. He needed a distraction, a welcome distraction. If he pushed hard enough, Kanda provided an excellent distraction. If he pushed harder, in more ways than one.

Kanda knew how much he wanted the distraction as well.

For all his talk and explosive temper, Kanda was a lot more than he let on.

"Fine." He seemed to read Allen's thoughts, and gruffly agreed before Allen could even ask. His lips crashed into Allen's, and Allen almost cried at the distraction.

He and Kanda had come to this agreement: don't ask, don't tell. If nobody asked, nobody would tell. It wasn't like they were _together or anything._ It wasn't like they ever would be.

(They did, after all, work for the church. This wasn't exactly _allowed._ )

They weren't in love or anything.

 _Breathe...release..._

It was just a welcome distraction.


End file.
